I've had some health issues recently of which I am still none the wiser- even after a visit to the local doctor. So far test results have been good which means that the discomfort I have (or had) been experiencing still remains a mystery. It's not a big deal really. It's just that when you get to a certain age, you really don't want to be 'welcoming' another aching body part or region. But enough said on that. My health matter is not the subject of this blog. Rather it has served as a stop sign to do some personal reflection. After all, I have been researching a particular subject which I am finding quite intriguing: How emotions are stored in the body.
A couple of days ago, whilst on my early morning jog, a random thought popped into my head. It was an extension to the idea of "living rent-free in someone's head". What that means is that some individual (or group) are continuing to take up all of your thoughts. An example could be that someone hurt your feelings and you just can't seem to let it go. You continue to think about it- over and over again. You are allowing them to live in your head... rent-free.
But then this thought came to me: When I continue to allow someone to impact my thoughts in this way, not only are they living rent-free in my head, I am also paying for it. In fact, I will pay for my morbid obsession with them in two ways.
I will pay for it in how I experience life. My reality is created by my thought life. If they are occupying my mind through those thoughts of bitterness; replaying details about them or the event; remembering how I was injured; how I was victimised; remembering the abuse; remembering how I was subjected to living life on their terms; not being able to be true to myself; or whatever else might be coming up, they are having a major influence on how life is working out for me.
These memories can be about childhood, or married life, kids or teachers at school, workplace, church, the neighbourhood kids and etc. Just know, that if they are occupying your headspace, you are paying for it in the reality that you are creating for yourself. What you continue to dwell on in your mind will be mirrored back to you in your experience of your life. Bitter within, bitter without.
I will pay for it in my body. Our emotions reside in our bodies. That's where they live. And emotions are attached to those thoughts that are dominating our headspace. Illness, disease and weaknesses in our bodies can be linked to these emotions that in turn can be linked to these consuming thoughts. (There is so much more to this such as the matter of unresolved or buried trauma for example- but that is not for this blog either.) Just know that our bodies store our emotions which can create havoc.
I probably should clarify a bit more at this point. A couple of weeks ago, I decided that I did not want to give a particular individual 'rent-free space' in my head any longer. I had become acutely aware of how much of my thinking was given to brooding over this person's perceived wrongs, and how those thoughts were impacting my day. All I know is that I woke up one morning recently and decided I was going to actively choose to only think on matters that made me happy. I did not want to feel miserable and frustrated which so often occurred when I gave head room to this individual. So, I determined that I was going to change how I thought about this person- because I did not want them (in my thoughts) ruining my day. I wanted to be happy. It was as though a light bulb had gone on. Think garbage, feel garbage, experience garbage!
Here's the cool unplanned part. I truely believe that this fresh realisation of my thoughts and emotions and how they impact me, was divinely timed. I already understood aspects of this. Yet this time, the lesson seemed to go much deeper. Moreover, I just so happened to be reading 'The Body Keeps The Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma' by Bessel Van Der Kolk. I am still currently reading the book which has been so enlightening. It's funny how you can think you know something only to realise that you've only scratched the surface of it. Could my unexplained pain be the result of stored emotions from those damaging thoughts regarding that person?
And here's another divinely timed appointment. I have recently begun attending an online meditation and breath work class each morning at 5:30am. Guess what this week's focus is on? Healing the body. So naturally, I have decided to turn inward and see if I am holding on to fears, bitterness or anger or simply struggling to let go of expectations and outcomes. As I am discovering, it's so easy to say " Oh, I trust God with the details of my life and all the people in it whom I love so dearly. But sometimes our private thoughts betray us and as I am learning, our bodies always keep the score.
Live Boldly
Live passionately